Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Everything I Needed to Know about Earthquakes, I Learned at Universal Studios

I’m breaking from my Wordless Wednesdays to quickly discuss the non-earthquake that was felt up in NYC yesterday. While I felt absolutely nothing, friends, co-workers and family members recounted their harrowing tales of where they were when the earth started shaking. I quickly realized that if I had felt the earth quaking, I would have no idea what to do. Sure I’ve lived through a terror attack, major blackout, subway evacuation and many Nor’easters, but have zero earthquake experience under my belt. It was then that a light bulb went off. I HAD experienced an earthquake before. In fact, I had experienced MANY, and by CHOICE.

So I present the valuable lessons that I took away from the Earthquake Ride in Universal Studios, Florida:

Pic via
  1. The ‘big one’ will happen when I am on a train, so I can plan the other 22 hours of my day accordingly. Be sure to never get on said train without a bag full of water, snacks, flashlights and other emergency paraphernalia.
  2. If the earth starts moving and you see any type of gas truck – parked, moving, hell, even a picture of a gas truck, it will crash and explode. To avoid being taken out by the flames, just start running Forrest Gump style down the street without looking back.
  3. Learn to swim, because inevitably, there will be massive flooding and you will drown.
  4. Remain calm because the ‘ride’ only lasts sixty seconds anyway.
  5. Footage of you experiencing the earthquake will be all over the news, so be sure not to cry like a baby like you did on the ride. No need to embarrass yourself in public like that again.
 (Real tips on what to do in an earthquake can be found here. Thank me later.)


Becka (The Elegant Eggplant) said...

This is AMAZING. Well done.

Jess said...

I totally felt it here in jersey. I thought my friends school that we were in was going to collapse! no joke! it was intense